What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
