You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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