Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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