why didn't you poke me back
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
