she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
