This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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