im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
