Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
