I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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