It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
