Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
