i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
