my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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