Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?

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(609): View more from New Jersey

you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it

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(650): View more from California

I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.

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(773): View more from Illinois

My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami

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(906): View more from Michigan

As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..

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