nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
