dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
