I got chris browned last night
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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