Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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