I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
