Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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