You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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