So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
