I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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