Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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