my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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