I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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