Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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