AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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