But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
