How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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