oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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