ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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