This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
