my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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