Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
