Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
People in love make me want to vomit
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
