Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
No subtext here. People are naked.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am available for nakedness
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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