remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
