I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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