he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
