My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize