Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think my fart just growled at me.
I understand Curling. That high.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
