words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize