Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
They have beer where we have blood.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
