WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
