Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize