and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
