So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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