Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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