I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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