can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
