While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize