Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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