It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
