today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
