Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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