He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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