JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
