I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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