fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
