My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
