First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I faked an abortion last night.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
