He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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