If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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