Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
well, you know. whores of a feather.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
