I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize