Me. At least after what I've been through.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
